Comedy in The Lou

I Have an Idea: Paid Work for Journalists

Jeremy has tons of ideas. Some of them will change the world. Some of them will change your heart. All of them are really good. 

I have an idea.  This idea was inspired by the plight of the vanishing newspaperman.  Ever since the invention of the internet, newspapers have for some reason been plagued by bad corporate decision making.  They couldn’t have picked a worse time to make so many mistakes.  Because of the vast amount of information and misinformation available for free in the blogosphere, millions of people have decided to stop paying for traditional newspapers.  This double-whammy of terrible business acumen and fierce competition from digital sources has put a lot of journalists out of work.  Luckily for them, I have an idea for a new and untapped market for their skills.

What is it?:  My idea is called the Rich People Personalized News Service, or RPPNS.  This company will find rich clients and match them up with newly unemployed journalists.  The journalists will then be paid to follow around the rich people and write news stories about their lives.  These stories will mostly end up on the rich people’s facebook pages and in their Christmas cards, but I’m sure the some of the rich people will think of dozens of other creative ways to use these articles.

What are some other benefits?:  In addition to giving work to unemployed journalists (potentially lowering the national unemployment rate by up to .000001%), this idea will provide an additional outlet for rich people’s vanity.  Also, it will make it easier to tell if a new acquaintance is extremely vain or has more disposable income than he/she will ever need.  Just look around and see if there is anyone following them around and taking notes!  If the person following them is wearing a fedora, writing on a clichédly old-timey small notebook and interviewing people in an old-timey accent, then you’ll know that your acquaintance is extra-super rich, because that service will cost extra.

Potential Problems:  Well, my exgirlfriend’s watched a bunch of detective shows like Monk and Castle, and according to those shows rich people often commit minor crimes or do something they don’t want anyone to know about. Then someone finds out and they have to murder that person.  Since the RPPNS journalists will be around the rich people at all times (except when they use the bathroom, duh) they will be especially vulnerable to these kinds of scenarios.  Can anyone think of a way to address this problem?

What will it take?:  A way to contact a bunch of desperate former newspapermen, and a way to contact a bunch of rich people.  Maybe we could go to a journalism job fair and some kind of trade show directed towards rich people.

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